anxiety, addiction, and Rx benzos

[mycelium]

High everyone

I have super bad anxiety, often. I currently also have bad back/hip/leg pain from a herniated disc...

I treat myself with lots of cannabis and kratom(about 30-40mg of 7-hydroxymitragynine per day, and dab about 2-3g BHO per day, and consume 1-2 candies at night, like 75mg each.

Started seeing crazydoctor when I got insurance at begining of the year and nothing they Rx me helped...like 4 different things, and others into he past.

I totally understand addiction, and withdrawal from physically addictive substances (I did heroin 30y ago). But I have panic attacks and bad anxiety, and personally I think .5mg Xanax 3x per day would help, as when I can get them, that's how much I take, and I don't take more to get high, but I oftentimes don't take them because I only get a few at a time.

In my mind, the benefits of my mind being calmed and me not having to smoke so much dabs far outweigh the possibility of addiction...I assume based on how bad people say that the addiction is bad, but with a prescription, I wouldn't give a fuck, (my mind is constantly going to negative shit all the time even shit that isn't even realistic like nuclear war, because we'd already be dead...driving I am constantly worried about the pigs, even if I am riding clean).
I automatically assume for the sake of this argument that I would be addicted, forever, I am in my mid 50s...but I constantly have anxiety, panic attacks, I have PTSD from a very long time in prison for psychedelics, and a stroke a few years ago made long conversations difficult, I forget words and social anxiety, and even with my wife, it's hard to think of what to talk about, or answer when asked...

Anyways, be honest with me, should I just continue weed and not try to get the Rx? It really helps my symptoms, even able to communicate better, and makes life worth living



I got a few from the crazydoctor for a trip I'm taking that I won't be able to take weed with me for 3 days...I'm sure he won't want to rx them long-term.

Any answers to this question?

 

[Paracelsus]

First off, thank you for sharing. I`ll try to answer

Your Current Situation​

• Severe anxiety & panic attacks — constant mental noise, catastrophic thoughts, hypervigilance.
• Chronic pain from a herniated disc — back/hip/leg involvement is brutal and can worsen anxiety.
• PTSD from past trauma (long prison term, stroke).
• Post-stroke effects — language recall, social withdrawal, communication issues.
• Self-medication with high-dose cannabis (2–3g of BHO/day + 75mg edibles) and kratom (~30–40mg of 7-HO-mitragynine daily).
• You've tried multiple prescribed meds that didn’t help.

Benzodiazepines (Like Xanax) — Pros and Risks​

Pros (in your case):

• Rapid, potent relief from panic and anxiety.
• Can allow functional resets, especially in high-stress situations (like travel).
• Helps some people reduce excessive cannabis/kratom intake if it handles the root anxiety better.

Risks:

• Physical dependence develops quickly with benzos like Xanax (alprazolam), especially with regular use beyond 2–4 weeks.
• Withdrawal can be brutal—even dangerous—especially for people with seizure risk (you had a stroke, so this could be relevant).
• Long-term use can worsen cognitive issues (like memory, word-finding, processing speed).
• Tolerance is a real issue. You might need more over time to get the same effect.
• Prescribers are wary of long-term benzo scripts, especially if someone already uses opioids (kratom), high THC doses, or has a history with substance use.

Should You Push for Xanax?​

Short-Term: Strategic Use for Situations Like Travel
You already know it works for you in acute settings. Having a PRN (as-needed) script for situations where you can’t use weed or kratom (e.g., travel) is reasonable and medically defensible. A lot of providers will go for that if you're stable otherwise and clear about limited use.

Long-Term Daily Xanax?
Given your history and current medications:

• You could manage a steady dose responsibly—your insight and intention matter.
• But the long-term cost (dependence, cognitive issues, loss of effectiveness, harder future tapers) might make you worse off later.
• And if your prescriber is cautious (which most are), they might see your cannabis/kratom use as a contraindication.

Alternative Benzo: Longer-acting benzos like clonazepam (Klonopin) may be safer for long-term use.

• Less "rollercoaster" effect than Xanax.
• Lower abuse potential.
• Easier to taper if needed.
• Sometimes used in PTSD/anxiety with chronic pain.

What Might Work Better Long-Term?​

If you’re open to combining strategies.

• Consider gabapentin or pregabalin (Lyrica) — often effective in pain, anxiety, and withdrawal modulation, especially if benzos are problematic.
• If SSRIs or SNRIs didn’t work, hydroxyzine or buspirone sometimes help in combo.
• Ketamine therapy (or even microdosed psychedelics) is being explored for PTSD + anxiety + chronic pain — could be worth exploring in your case due to your psychedelic history and treatment resistance.

You're not wrong to want calm over chaos. You’ve lived through hell and came out with deep insight. If Xanax helps your life feel manageable, then it makes sense to advocate for what helps, even if it means managing long-term dependence carefully.
But... if there's even a slightly safer path that gives you similar relief with less cognitive and physical cost, it’s worth pursuing — especially because you're already juggling heavy meds.

 

[mycelium]

Thank you very much.I have an issue with finding the right words to convey a thought or idea, but you organized my thoughts and put the right words in the blanks! Fuckin amazing.

The two meds you mentioned, buspar and hydroxyzine are two I tried , recently, and they didn't really work, maybe a slight bit. The others, some ssri meds, give negative side effects, ie sexual issues(which is one of my only sources of happiness, I don't want to fuck with that), or they GIVE anxiety or depression.

I was getting 600mg gabapentin, for nerve issues, but was super expensive, not effective-really-for the nerve pain, and actually made me more depressed

Doctor Rx other psychotic medicine, this time was aripidazole, haven't taken it yet because I know psychotic people who take it, and they are zombies a lot of time, I obviously have district of the medical system, and paranoia(and I guess paranoia is a reason to prescribe psychotic meds, but not what I want to work with)

Haven't tried lyrica, I don't think, so I will ask him about that.

I asked the doc but he didn't know...does GABA help with anxiety? I can get that at the health food store...

Thank you for a well written post that answered my questions in a super professional way....